Hitting the Big Time

It turns out when my company sends people to war zones with no military experience, it sets off all kinds of alarm bells in upper management. Right now my boss is in a meeting with a VP and representatives from most of the major departments about whether or not I should even go and how best to prepare me. I must say, I'm a bit flattered, if annoyed. The same VP recently called my cohort who's accompanying me and insisted that I stay safely ensconced in Brigade headquarters and not travel anywhere in country without express permission from him first.

I certainly understand their concern. I am definitely a civilian, and not used to the rigors of life in a combat zone. I've attempted to glean as much information as I can from the people I know who've been over there already and a couple of themes continue to come up.

• There is a LOT of spare time over there, which will be used to work out and beef up. It's a lot like prison in that respect, the only difference being the rifles in the guard towers are pointed the other way.
• "You'll have the time of your life!" I've heard that from at least three people without a lot of context or explanation. I'm sure I'll have a better time than the guys who are getting shot at all the time.
• If a mortar comes into the compound don't bother hitting the dirt. It's like playing the lottery in reverse. If lots of mortars start coming in, know where the nearest bunker is.
• Clear alcohol can be dyed the color of Listerine.
• Dress warm. Snow will be on the ground by the time I get there.
• Bring cash. The dollar is accepted everywhere, but your ATM card may not be.
  

So those are just a few of the tips and tricks these guys have been able to share. I'm sure I'll know a lot more once I step off the aircraft. And I'm sure when I get there I'll be able to relay information much more succinctly by collecting even more useful acronyms which appear to run the military.